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Some yogurt visits a local bar

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here."

One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

by (few years ago!) / 611 views
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Essential Disk Care Guide

Essential Disk Care Guide
Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive.

Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in "Little" drives.

Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks.

A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into the drive.

Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text.

Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.

If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes.

This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.

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Blonde jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas wondered why they didnt get taller girls

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A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital.

He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says "Alright. Who's the other father!"

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Bar jokes

There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."

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Things You Hear On A Football Broadcast

The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
It's a game of inches.
That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
When you get down in this area, you gotta just start pounding it.
He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
He found his tight end.
End around.
He had to stretch to get it in.
He's got great hands.
He blows them off (at the line).
He bangs it in.
He could go all the way.
He gets it off just in time.
He goes deep.
He found a hole and slid through it.
He pounds it in.
He beats them off (the line).
He gets penetration into the backfield.

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A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "That'd be my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four-week-old puppy."

"How could your puppy kill my Doberman?" roared the biker.

"It appears that he choked on it, sir."

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SURVEYING THE FORMER PRESIDENT

An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 women with the question: Would you sleep with Former US President Bill Clinton?

1% said, "No"
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Blonde jokes

A blonde was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been found in the area. The blonde exclaimed Wow! I cant believe the dinosaurs would come this close to the highway.

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