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Deflowering The Joke

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

by (few years ago!) / 886 views
(Rated 4 Stars - 1 votes)
 

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Bar jokes beer booze and fun

A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the day after I got me hook."

by (few years ago!)
Men jokes

How does a man show hes planning for the future?A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

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Sports jokes

After hearing that, my friend began to think that maybe he should start coaching women's tennis.

Oh sure, he knows nothing about coaching tennis, but I bet that he could feel his way through it.

by (few years ago!)
A NEW YORK DIVORCE LAWYER


A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

What happens when a Blonde eats a mosquito? A.) She has more brain cells in her stomach than her head

by (few years ago!)
Dog jokes

What has got four legs and an arm? - A: A Rottweiler in a playground.

by (few years ago!)
Blonde jokes

One day a blonde woman was down on her luck and she needed a quick way to get money.She saw some kids playing and thought "Hey! Maybe I can kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom!" So she creeps up and snatches one.So she began to write a note: "I have kidnaped your son and I will give him back if you put 10,000$ on the north side of the tree in the park.Signed Blonde."She sticks the note on the kid and sends himhome. The next day she goes to the north sideof the tree and in a paper bag was 10, 000$.But there was a note inside saying: "How could you do this to a fellow blonde!?!"

by (few years ago!)
Animal jokes

It's a sunny morning in the big forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and screams, "For Heaven's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? I haven't made the damn porridge yet!"

by (few years ago!)
Business jokes

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughters college education?As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"

by (few years ago!)
Wedding Jokes

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

by (few years ago!)
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