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Misc; 110 Jokes

Misc Jokes

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

A lady who was about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well, your Honor. It was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that read: 'The Gold Dust Twins Are Coming,' and I had to smile."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that read: 'Sloan's Liniment Will Reduce the Swelling,' and I had to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that read: 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly control myself."

"But, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that read: 'Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident,' I laughed out loud."

"Case Dismissed." replied the Judge.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Little Mikey is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Little Mikey to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Mikey didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, said, "Why? Mikey, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven."

Mikey thinks that's really neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Little Mikey's dad comes home from work a few hours early. Mikey runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!"

His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?"

"Uncle Bob is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming'."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride. They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

A lady who was about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well, your Honor. It was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that read: 'The Gold Dust Twins Are Coming,' and I had to smile."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that read: 'Sloan's Liniment Will Reduce the Swelling,' and I had to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that read: 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly control myself."

"But, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that read: 'Goodyear Rubber Could Have Prevented This Accident,' I laughed out loud."

"Case Dismissed." replied the Judge.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them.
To teach Audrey a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk out, and meet at another home but without Audrey.

Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, Audrey started, "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say..." Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.

Audrey was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was going on and said, "Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There's plenty of time because the bus doesn't leave until morning!"

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager. "And, he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it would be worth it to you."

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Little Mikey is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Little Mikey to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride. They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

by (few years ago!)
Miscellaneous Jokes, Humor and Trivia for the

Many years ago, a baker's assistant called Richard the Pourer, whose job it was to pour the dough mixture in the making of sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the necessary spices, sent his apprentice to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop the young man realized that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was to tell the shopkeeper that it was "for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst."

by (few years ago!)
Miscellaneous Jokes And Funny Stories

A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to me young man, I'm stone deaf

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

When they got upstairs, the Indian told her to take off her clothes and bend over. When she did, he took out a 2x4 and smacked her on the ass. "What the hell did you do that for!" she exclaimed.

"Me check for bees." replied the Indian.

by (few years ago!)
Misc Jokes

The audience went wild! How, they wondered could the redneck top that? The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' we went.
Met three whores with a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

by (few years ago!)

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