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Marriage Jokes; 442 Jokes

The wife is not speaking joke text

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

"Yeah, except today is the last night."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?Theyre married.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

What happened at the cannibals wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders.He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan."Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldnt hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand."Yes?" asked the instructor."Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoytheir two week vacation/honeymoon.The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hiJimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see."A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Onceinside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! Imgoing to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The man told his doctor that he wasnt able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "youre just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, Ive lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?A. Shoot him again.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

How are husbands like lawn mowers?A. Theyre hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they dont work.

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring... Wedding ring... Suffering!!!

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

At a friends wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey ?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

by (few years ago!)
Marriage jokes

After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain andAbel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boysasked, "Whats that?" Adam replied, "Boys, thats where your mother ateus out of house and home."

by (few years ago!)

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