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Law Jokes; 355 Jokes

Lawyer jokes

What is the proper weight for a lawyer?About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!

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Lawyer jokes

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

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Lawyer jokes

Whats the difference between a lawyer and an onion?You cry when you cut up an onion.

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Lawyer jokes

What do you call an honest lawyer?An oxymoron.

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Lawyer jokes

What do lawyers do after they die?They lie still.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" they stiffened and hesitated.Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

The bartender asks him "Whatll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "Thatll be five dollars", to which he replies "What are you talking about? I dont owe you anything for this".A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, hes got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration". The bartenders not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But dont ever let me catch you in here again".The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, "What the hell are you doing in here? I cant believe youve got the audacity to come back!". The guy says "What are you talking about? Ive never been in this place in my life", to which the bartender replies "Im nvery sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double."To which the guy replies "Thank you! Make it a scotch."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why dont you swerve to hit him?A: It might be your bicycle.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?A. From chasing parked ambulances.

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Lawyer jokes

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, Im beginning to think I didnt."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them toget married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it andagreed, but said they would have to wait.It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent forthem. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things wenton, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,that eternity was best not spent together. They went back toSt. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, butnow we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is thereany way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter."It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marryyou. I will never get a lawyer!"

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then...Hey, come to think of it, thats not a bad idea.

by (few years ago!)
Lawyer jokes

If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyers.

by (few years ago!)

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